Last night you laid there in bed and wouldn’t to talk to me
as if you thought I was death himself looking dead into your eyes
and just whispered to yourself that “professionals shouldn’t date”
You acted as though you were smart, as if only you existed
as if I wouldn’t have been hurt by your passing and yet
LOOK AT ME!
my tears run to the point that emotions have drowned
my pain becomes my pain of nails
my love the anchor that drowns me
and ever since that night you passed your voice rings the truest
that I’m a small little girl in an adult’s world
trying to make a life of nothing
one person at a time
But we were different, we breathed the same air
we knew each other’s work and we didn’t care
from wanton nights in casinos to the crazed fronts of Iraq we stood
DON’T YOU REMEMBER THAT?!
We… were one… in love… in a world where love shouldn’t have ever happened…
We were material spirits in a world of smoke
a subject of corruption, of money and laundering
we killed but not for us, for them
for rich kids and bright fucks we did for money second
because love made sure we wanted each other safe
and them knowing both of us was a minefield
one step: BOOM!
and no matter what we stayed our ways
we never grew to learn the past of our fathers
because they died for no reason, we had purpose
we had each other and money and contracts and…
it was all the same.
Each night we’d rest and you’d have an injury
I’d be the nurse but you’d reject it “Don’t worry about it… it’s just a minor wound”
but to me, all the wounds you had were serious because it takes one,
only one to kill. We knew that but you forgot that because in your mind
you thought I loved you being macho. NO! I LOVED YOU FOR YOU!
Each night you’d distance yourself from me… but I’d chase you
if it were a lobby or a showroom I ran for you…
I LOVED YOU!
Business took our souls a long time ago, having love was rare
with emotion being so rare and life being so much about wandering
about homelessness, loneliness… no support, just your wits…
and now you’re gone…
I have no more options.